Things never seem to turn out how I imagine they will.
I don’t know if it’s because my expectations are too airy, or if they aren’t airy enough.
I am pretty sure that on each hiking trip I take; the universe plays me like a puppet. And I believe, my terrible sense of direction and ease of getting lost everywhere, don’t come in handy. Also, choosing a guide who is an adventurous adrenaline junkie won’t make things easier either.
It happened again last week. I thought we would have a sunny afternoon hike in Peña Amaya in Burgos. But last Sunday was none of that. Naïve as I was, even 10 minutes before starting our hike, I was still hoping for a peaceful couple of hours of walking and treating our eyes with the tingling view of the snowy Picos de Europa on the horizon. Breathing some fresh air and clearing my way too busy mind.
Surprise, surprise!! Things weren’t as I planned and turned out to be a Hunger Games kind of experience.
And since I am healthy wise aware and almost thirty (tshhh….I have been 28 for the last few years) year old women scared of cellulite and getting a fluffy belly, there was a hidden intention of mine for this hike. I did hope we would burn the huge brunch we just had in the lovely rural inn, so we could reward ourselves with fried morcilla de Burgos afterwards.
So how was it, you may ask?
2.00 pm – we are joyfully heading toward our destination. The weather was nice (a bit cold but we are optimistically hoping it won’t rain at least). We just read a description of our route and it sounded like a piece of cake.
2.30 pm – we were giggling about the 10 year anniversary Twitter party that took place in Madrid a couple of days ago (OK, OK, we were gossiping like 13 year old girls!).
3.30 pm – we stumble over a 1 meter high metal fence. Slight confusion crosses my mind. Are we on the right track? Who knows? The adrenaline junkie says we are, so we simply jump the fence and keep walking.
3.35 pm – Natalia is taking a whiz.
3.50 pm – we found ourselves in the middle of a tiny wood with a path to follow. And I am pretty sure I just heard wolves howling. Are we lost for real now?
“Let’s just keep climbing up, shall we?” says the guide.
4.30 pm – we made it to the highest point of Peña Amaya. The guide has to push me up due to the tornado we came across (yep, I am pretty sure it is a tornado!).
4.33 pm – I lose control of my body. My whole body is in tornado’s windy hands now. I do not control it anymore.
4.35 pm – Natalia has to pee but her urine prefers to stay inside, instead of being expulsed in the middle of the tornado.
4.37 pm – we are lost as hell. As hell. Again! And I am not saying a word. My face expression says it all!
4.40 – 4.45 pm – consulting Google Maps while freezing to death.
4.45 pm – “we should keep going north” says the adrenaline junkie guide.
5.00 pm – we stumble over a flock of sheep (and 3 angry looking dogs). If I wasn’t frozen and had been able to use my camera I would have taken some pictures because I love sheep. They are adorable, right! But not today. Today I just pretended they are not there! Little bastards with their warm wool!!
5.05 pm – ¨sorry, we should go south¨ – the adrenaline junkie says.
5.08 pm – Natalia’s time to take some anti-anxiety pills, right?
5.15 pm – “sorry, we should go west” the guide says.
5.30 pm – Natalia’s brain was frozen but she vaguely remembers meeting a shepherd.
5.33 pm – He is not only a shepherd. He is Jesus. A lifesaving Spanish Jesus. Even though my brain was frozen, I was enlightened. I can finally understand the whole catholic ¨Jesus is who lays down his life for thesheep“ bullshit.
5.35 pm – Jesus from Peña Amaya realizes we are lost as hell and walks us down to the parking spot. He says it’s not a big deal. He was just about to go home anyway, so it’s not a problem. I have mixed feelings about that. After all he is leaving his sheep on the top of Peña Amaya. If I wasn’t frozen to death, then I would have asked to make sure his lovely sheep are safe. But right now, I was like ¨if it takes 200 innocent life of sheep to get me to the car and defrost, oh well I am fine with that¨.
6.00 pm – Jesus keeps talking about how badly lost we were (which is no surprise to me at that point). But due to my frozen state I can’t remember the details. However I do make a promise with myself, ¨don’t you ever trust everything you read on WIKILOCKS“. And hire a new hiking guide P.S: dear readers, at that point I was forced to mention that the guide generally does a pretty good job and doesn’t get lost a lot. Also, that my sense of humor is way too wry! So now you know! 😉
7.00 pm – I want to cry, we finally reach the car. I can eat, I can drink some water, and I can unfreeze finally!!
7.15 pm – I keep defrosting my fingers which is not that easy if you are a sufferer of Raynaud’s phenomenon (another thing I learned recently).
You may think it must have been rough? Well, it was. Just like the first time I got lost in Murcia and was rescued by The Spanish Navy. Life lesson from both adventures? Spaniards are helpful! And I should definitely get myself some high tech GPS hiking gear!