This is an open letter to dog owners in Madrid downtown (La Latina neighborhood) who let their dogs shit on the street and have enough gall to leave the poop there. Note 1: This is directed only to owners of big dogs. I actually don’t mind seeing a teeny tiny poop on the street from time to time. Yaap, I am THAT open-minded. Note 2: kindly note that I have no shame. The poopy subject is not a tabu for me (anymore).
Dear dog owners,
Please kindly note that your dogs have been doing their number two on my street for the last few months. And since you are probably feeding them dozens of live chickens and Turkish kefir (we all know what happens when you have kefir as a snack) every single day, the size of their feces is rather scary. Let’s call it a Mount Everest sized shit.
Please do not get my wrong, I love dogs and I really do understand how digestion and a live organism works. If we eat, we have to shit. We all do that.
Maybe I am being too honest, but I actually recall going number two in nature like a caveman a few times. But if my memory is not tricking me now, I am pretty sure I tried covering any sight of it every single time (read: putting some soil and leaves above it). Because I am a lady. A clean, responsible and environmentally friendly lady.
Now, back to your dogs. I am not trying to make the (pretty valuable) point that it makes Madrid downtown a disgustingly dirty place (not to mention THE SMELL). I don’t even care about cleaning my expensive Italian boots (which I did not buy on sale, damnt) from the doggy poop at least twice a week . And I don’t even mind the game I learn to play while walking down the street which I call “poopy labirynt” (the rule is simply, try getting to the Metro without stepping in shit. Apparently the game shapes your focus, keeps you awake at 8 am. Oh right, and makes you walk like a drunk lunatic).
The reason I am so outraged is simple. I can’t get the picture of your dog’s huge shit out of my head. And it wakes an urge to me to take a shit on your doormat (which I believe is illegal in Spain) every time I have to go the the bathroom (number 2).
And I am not sure how long I will be able to keep myself from doing it.
So please, please stop me from doing it. Clean up after your dog. I really don’t want to be caught shitting in front of your door by a handsome Spanish policeman. Especially not during wintertime. I don’t feel like getting hemorrhoids out of it!